Heart And Mind

***I just couldn't help to post this. This was emailed to me from way back. A good read and I know that you people can relate somehow.

Dear Heart,

I couldn't understand you anymore. You have been awfully quiet for some time now and you have been shutting me off. I can feel you too and it is hard for me to understand that you want to go through it alone. We used to be in the same boat struggling over the same things but you moved and took a different route. I have always been at your side, but this time I opt to differ. I can see your pain and I can feel it too, not because you are the heart which makes the only one capable of feeling. I am not hard as you sometimes believe I am. I just have to be like this for both of us, otherwise we would both drown and none can save us anymore. Heart, why do you keep on beating for the wrong person all the time? Aren't you tired of watching them leave you? Aren't you tired of giving your best and not get anything in return? If you're not, then I am...I am tired of giving you exuses so you wouldn't break. I am tired of saying yes when in fact it is no. I am tired of convincing you when you very well know that I am just lying to make you happy. I am tired of you...for all your broken dreams, your failed relationships and for all your unrequited love. You have so much to give to the person who can never be yours HEART, weren't you the one who said that you are sore and wounded? So why are you staying when you can just walk away from all these pain that is consuming you? How can you take it HEART? How can you look at her eyes and not see you in her heart? How can you smile when you feel her caress and know that those touches were meant for someone else? How can you be strong when you're feeling weak and helpless? How can you possibly love someone who is in love with another? She was never yours to begin with so it would be impossible to have her forever. FOREVER is just a word Heart. There is no such thing as forever...goodbye is inevitable. I have seen you so excited when she came to our lives. I was just as excited as you were. I wanted the girl we can both fall in love with. But she is a dream and dreams end. Tell me, wasn't it good to have a dream everytime you feel like doing so? But like dreams, you have to wake up and face the day. It was enough that she made you feel loved. Just face the reality that someone owns her heart...pushing for it will only take another person's heart bleed. I have seen you loved, lost and grieved but never healed. Why Heart? What are you so afraid of? It's time to let go. I know it would be hard. I have never seen you love this way before...so unconditional. Of course you have always loved unconditionally, but your love for her is different because you wouldn't listen to me. You used your words against me and that makes me feel helpless. I am just as hurt as you are because I can't make the pain go away. I cant help you and heal for you...you have to do it alone. You have kept your silence and it's deafening. I know you are trying to fool me so I would think you are okay and that I shouldn't worry... You want me to believe that you are not in pain. Remember HEART there is a thin line that connects us and it would be difficult to deceive one and the other of what is really going on ....NOT that is love...

Always,
Your friend Reason

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My Friend Reason,

Thank you for putting up with me while I go through my journey. It is like battling a demon. The battle is within me and something I feel I could not fight. You were right, I have never felt this way before. You know why I said that? It is because I allowed myself to manipulate all the other systems that are within my power. I shut all the possibilities that one day when I look back this would be my biggest regret. I shut it because I know I would never regret. A love so true has no regrets even if you don't get what you work so hard for in the end. That is why I disregard the idea that one day I would have to watch her leave and know that deep within me she is never coming back. She is indeed a dream...a dream I never wish to end. I am holding on to that dream...that is why I wouldn't want to let go yet, but holding on for as long as I can doesn't mean holding on forever. I don't believe in forever either because you said there is no such thing, but she made me believe in a lot of things and one of them was we can stay this way for eternity. A moment with her is forever. Forever might be a word but it exists. It is a place where dreams come true...where hope did not go to oblivion...it is a place where kisses heals wounds...where embrace can take away fears...where touch can take away doubts. That is forever and I believe her becauseI felt it. We may not last another weeks, another months or even years but she took me to that place where dates are mere numbers. You count on to say that this is how long I have her...for a moment...and that is enough for me to last a lifetime. Hopefully. I can have her a little longer to lasts another lifetime. Looking back, you and I have been together in everything and I can never keep a secret from you. You are too wise to be fooled. They say wise people are poor in the matters of the heart. I wish to erase that cliche. It is not true that I choose to beat for wrong people. I just do. You should know better that my beating is involuntary. If I could be held within the palm of the hand, then it would be a lot easier not to give any explanation. But I can't be and this makes us human so I keep my feet on the ground by feeling and hurting. You dont have to make any excuses for me anymore or lie to me...because regardless of the tears and pains, I am happy. You asked me how can I take it....it is about loving without expecting to be loved back. I may say one thing but mean another...but when I say I love her...I really do. Love is not blind. It is only blinded by the people who hoped to have more when they already have everything...it is about taking everything including those you hope to take away. I dont have to see myself in her eyes just as long as she sees herself in mine. I dont have to frown when I know her smiles weren't mine just as long as I am smiling because of her and she knows it. I am weak and might be helpless but how many weak and helpless have felt what I am feeling? It is a bliss that no word can contain...to define is to limit the feeling so I just enjoy it. I have loved, lost and grieved and yes I havent healed because I don't want to heal. Healing is as good as forgetting and I wouldn't want to forget. I have moved on and dealt with life equally well despite my handicap. Before I end, I want to tell you something you still probably wouldn't understand but I know in time you would come to see it as I did...Love is not getting what you think you deserve....It is getting nothing and somehow getting everything. If you see it the way I did you wouldn't ask anymore and still be wise. Perhaps if we can see again through the same eyes we used to look at before...we can see through the same window. Maybe they would say we are the first to break the cliche.

Always,
Heart