Four hours before take off...



I AM COMING HOME!

at last =)

Happy Easter!

Hope we can find that one 'Egg' that we're all searching for...

Happy hunting! =)

The Making of a Spoiled Brat...and A Rant

My tita already arrived from the States...now Im excited to go home coz after 6 long years we're going to see each other again. She used to be my second mom, still is and will always be my favorite aunt in the whole world. I became the spoiled brat that I am quite because of her. She used to call me 'miss bili-mo-ko' when I was little. Well until now Im still 'miss bili-mo-ko' to her =) She was my genie in a bottle. Whatever I asked, I get. I was spoiled rotten by her together by my lola & lolo, and by my tito. Can't blame them, I was the first baby in the family. I had all the attention and I must say I did enjoy every minute of it. My fondest memories of my early childhood were with her. Before she went to the States, I remember our everyday trip to Fiesta Carnival and SM Cubao, how she used to buy me pasalubong everyday, Magnolia ice cream almost every night, my bikes in transition...from a four-wheel red car, side car, bike with side wheels to a dashing BMX bike, how I got rich for a day by collecting her winning @ every majong session they attended to @ Quezon City together with my lola & our other relatives. Thinking back now, I guess they never really won at all @ their majong games coz whenever I see their coins getting taller, I immediately get it and ran to the nearest store to buy myself candies and man I had loads of it and I can prove that through my teeth back then! =)

When she went to the States, she never forgot to send me cards and letters and enclosed with that was $1 bill to buy myself all the candies & chocolates that I want. We always received a package from her full of everything that a kid could only wish for. She was my Santa Clause even when it's not Christmas.

I was always heart broken whenever she has to go back to the States after her vacation. You see, we count years before her every homecoming. And time flies by so fast during the time that we're together. That's why at an early age I abhor the departure part of the airport...and at an early age I know what it was like to be away from someone who means dearly to you. Maybe that's the reason why up until now I always have difficulty letting go of the people I love be it going away, breakups or worst death...I guess I will never get used to that.

Her 'miss bili-mo-ko' is coming home in five days! Im so excited! =)

Splurge time!

~0~0~0~0~0~

I learned something today and man was I floored?!!! Hell, YES definitely!!! Though I already expected it...

Well, that's the way life goes...sometimes you win and most of the time you lose!

Bummer!

But I know how to accept defeat gracefully...Rock on buddy!

Nice game...very challenging!

Next time I'll practice my 'da moves' baka makatsamba! Oh well....

For The Lenten Season...

If God gave you a dozen roses and you ask why there are no thorns, He would just smile, show His bleeding hands and say,

"I took them away so you wouldn’t get hurt."

On Being 27

Today is gonna be my last day on being 27. So many things happened this year. It's a blend of both the good and the not so good things. And it has been hell of a rollercoster ride, emotionally and psychologically. I've been blessed in so many ways, and I know that some of the things that happened were blessings in disguised sort of way.

I may have lost one person who used to mean the world to me but I know I've gained so many friends who were there and is still there in my most trying moments. I learned how to love myself and make myself whole again in the process. I still have my family to come home to, who loves me and who I love so much. A career that serves as my bread and butter. A body to die for (whapak!) and a soul though wounded is still trying to be better everyday.

So to YOU ALL my lovable friends...I THANK YOU!

Here's to more years of friendship hanggang sa pare-pareho na tayong pulitin sa home for the aged! Haha!

Yeah, I made it...and Im looking forward to more years of kicking ass!!!!


***Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

And as we get older, it is not the things we did that we often regret, but the things we didn't do...***

Lakas Tama!

Last night was a blast! We celebrated my beerday in advance coz it will fall on holy week. We had fun and drank a lot!!! And for the first time in my drunkard life, I puked!!! Eeeewwww!!! I did it three times...in different places! and I felt like the world was closing in on me...seriously! I thought I couldn't make it to work today but I did, albeit with bloodshot eyes and a terrible hang over! Blame it on the great VODKA...that was my worst enemy!

I promise not to drink again...haha who am I kidding?! Promises are made to be broken anyway!
Now, Let's drink to that!




I wanted to post so many other pics but it was too censored for the public eye baka ma-MTRCB ang blog ko! Nagsama-sama ba naman ang mga bading na wengweng! Patay tyo dyan! hehe =)

Cold Summer Nyt

thunder lined the sky

the wind is cold & biting

trees dance in rhythm only them understands

stars were nowhere to be found

sitting in silent waiting for the first raindrop to fall

wanting to witness how the heaven cries

on this one cold summer night...

[16.03.05 @ 22:27 hr]

About Yesterday

I did accomplish many things yesterday. I set the alarm @ 8 am but I was too sleepy to get up so I slept for another 2 hours. I woke up @ 10 and immediately hit the shower. I have to get going before the establishments closes @ 1 pm. Details as follows.

1. I went again to travel section to get my new discount letter for Qatar Airways (too bad mamang pogi was not there!). I cancelled my booking at Emirates. I've been a patron of QA eversince and I was glad to know that the airmile points I've acquired is more than enough to get me a free ticket for Dubai...which is the only reason I opted to book at Emirates in the first place...just for that free ticket. Glad I ended up with QA again!

2. I stopped by the finance dept. to check if I could request to advance my salary @ an earlier time and I was surprised to know when the in-charge told me that I wont get my salary for this month but instead will get it when I get back from vacation! Whatdafuck!!!!!!! That would make me flat broke!

3. I tried to forget about that salary matter and still proceed with the things I have to do. Next stop was Qatar Airways to pay & claim my ticket. Yey Im going home! Good thing, the travel agent was so accomodating I didnt have a hard time talking to him...but I did have a hard time letting go of my money though! hehe :)

4. Went to get my haircut @ the salon I always frequent to.

5. By this time I was already sleepy and hungry so I decided to buy a decent food for the first time in months. By the word decent, I mean a real meal...rice and chopseuy! Yummy =) I told you I already have an appetite and I was actually eating nowadays.

6. I dozed off. I still have work @ 10pm. It's Tuesday so it's graveyard shift for me. But before I hit the sack, I put my laundry in the machine and just took it out when I woke up.

7. Three more hours before duty so I went to clean my jungle. I changed the bedsheet and pillow cases. I sweep. I mop. I throw the trash...and now it's squeeky clean & it doesnt look like a jungle anymore...all the snakes are dead =)

8. At exactly 9.15 pm, I finished all that I have to do.

9. I rushed to take a bath and get ready for work.

10. I drove with normal speed but I was 3 minutes close to being late! Damn it!


So there. That's how my day went. Kindda busy actually.

And did I forget to mention that I woke up with a splitting headache?!

T E R R I B L E!!!

Jeepney

***This article really cracked me up! tawa ako ng tawa kanina habang binabasa ko...naaliw ako sa kanya! Buti nalang walang nakakakita sa akin kung hindi Dyos ko baka sabihin talagang praning ako! harhar! Namiss ko tuloy sumakay sa jeep. Di bale 2 more weeks to go at magjejeep na ulit ako! :) Sa Pinas lang meron nyan e...wala sa Qatar nyan! Kung di nyo pa nabasa...read on ng matuwa naman kayo! hehe :)


Personal Thoughts : Uuwi Akong Magisa
Contributed by chained2fate (Edited by amplifier)
Thursday, January 29, 2004 @ 07:22:11 PM

Haay, salamat naman at uwian na. Kanina pa ako inip na inip umuwi, aba ang hirap atang magpanggap na may ginagawa. Galing ko na ngang matulog ng dilat eh, sakit nga lang sa ulo. Paalis na sana ako ng biglang nag-text yung pinsan ko at hihintayin nya daw ako sa baba ng building para sabay na kaming umuwi. Kaya hayun, nagsinungaling na naman akong kunwari ay may gagawin pa ako para lang maiwasan sya.

Ewan ko ba, bakit ayokong may kasabay samantalang yung iba ay naghihintay o di kaya ay may susunduin pa para lang may makasabay sa pag-uwi. Hindi naman ako loner, basta lang gusto ko mag-isa akong umuuwi. Gusto ko wala akong kakilalang kasakay sa jeep. Gusto ko mag-isa lang ako sa byahe.

Ano nga bang meron sa jeep? Ano nga bang nangyayari sa byahe ko pag-umuuwi ako?

Madami. Iba-ibang klaseng tao. Iba-ibang klaseng komedya.

Case # 1:

"Aray, ano ba?"

Madalas na dialogue ng mga babaeng feeling commercial model ng shampoo kung ipatangay sa hangin ang buhok. Mga walang pakialam kahit na ang mga katabi nila ay hirap na hirap na sa pag-iwas sa paghampas nito sa mukha nila. Kaya ako kapag di na ako makapagpigil, hinihila ko na yung buhok, sabay sorry kunwari akala ko buhok ko yun. At kapag sinusumpong ako, kinakalabit ko na at sinasabihan kong hindi ako kumakain ng buhok.

Case # 2:

'Blah, blah, blah…'

Mga taong feeling sila lang ang sakay na kung mag-usap ay dinig ng lahat ng pasahero. Nakakaaliw sila minsan lalo na’t mahaba ang byahe at walang radyo yung jeep. Pampalipas oras din sila, minsan nga gusto ko ng sumabat dun sa kwentuhan nila lalo na kapag nakaka-relate ako. Pero kapag inaantok ako at di na makapagpigil tinitignan ko sila na parang gusto kong dukutin ang lalamunan nila.

Case # 3:

'Pakiabot lang po…'

Kapag napaupo ka ng medyo malapit-lapit sa driver, asahan mong magiging taga-abot ka ng bayad. Ok lang sana yun eh, hwag ka lang makaka-tyempo ng driver na may pagka-manyakis na nanadyang manghaplos ng kamay. O kaya naman ng driver na parang di pa ata nakakaalam na uso na ang deodorant. O kaya naman ng driver na mas malakas pang bumuga sa tambutso nya ang bunganga. Syempre wala naman akong magawa kundi ang magtakip na lang ng ilong at umurong agad kapag medyo lumuwang. At meron namang mga pasaherong sobrang bait na hindi ka pa nakakapagsalita ay kinukuha na sa kamay mo ang bayad mo. Meron din syempreng matatapang na kapag hindi mo nakuha agad yung bayad nila ay medyo itataas ang boses at may kasama pang ismid. Hay naku, pede ba wala akong kumisyon sa pag-abot ng bayad nyo ha.

Case # 4:

"Makikiusog nga…"

Para sa mga kung umupo ay kala mo pang-dalawang tao ang binayaran. May mga babaeng kung umupo ay nakalihis, walang pakialam na yung katabi nya kalahating pwet na lang ang nakaupo. Meron din mga lalaking kung makaupo ay halos mangingimi kang tumingin sa kanya dahil sa laki ng pagkakabukaka. Animo’y may kung anong pinoprotektahan sa pagitan ng kanyang mga hita. Kapag ipit na ipit na ako, sinasabayan ko ang pag-preno ng mama sa pag-usog. Pasensyahan na lang kung mapalakas.

Case # 5:

"Ooozzz…"

Wala namang masama kung matulog ka habang nasa byahe, pero sana lang walang dantayan at basagan ng bao. Kapag may katabi akong natutulog na, hinahayaan ko lang (syempre alangan namang pigilan ko) at kapag babagsak na ung ulo nya sa ‘kin, bigla kong ibinababa balikat ko para magulantang sya. Pero kapag cute ibang usapan na yan. Itinataas ko pa balikat ko para makahilig at ng makatulog sya ng maayos at ok lang na magka-untugan kami, malay mo magpakilala pa sya, asa pa.

Case # 6:

"Mama, para ho…"

May mga driver na di mo mapipigilang mapamura sa sobrang tagal bago huminto na halos kailanganin mo ng sumakay pabalik sa layo ng pinagbabaan sa ‘yo. Meron namang hihinto kahit na sa gitna ng kalsada mabawasan lang agad ang sakay nya. At meron ding halos mahalikan mo na yung katabi o kung minalas-malas ka ay mahuhulog ka pa dahil sa biglang pagpreno nya. May mga pasahero namang hindi pa nakuntento sa pagkalakas-lakas na pagsabi ng para at kumakatok pa sa bubong. Merong namang magbabayad kapag pababa na at may gana pang magalit kapag hindi agad naihinto ang sasakyan. At syempre merong mga nagmamadaling akala mo ay mauubusan ng lupa kung bumaba, kasehodang mabunggo at matapakan nyang lahat ng daraanan nya. Pero pamatay pa ring yung minsang may nakasakay akong mama na pagkalakas-lakas at paulit-ulit na sumisigaw ng “Bayad ho, bayad ho, bayad ho…” Syempre yung driver, kuntodo extend ng kamay nya. Nakatingin na lahat dun sa mama na kumakatok-katok pa sa bubong ng jeep. Sabay naalala nyang “Para” pala ang dapat nyang isinisigaw. Nyahaha…tawa ko ng tawa pagkababa nung mama!

Case # 7:

"Hon, love, etc…"

Syempre pa, hindi mawawala ang mga mag-syotang kala mo may sariling mundo na kung maglampungan ay parang mga pusang di mapakali. Libreng sine ‘to, rated 18, kaya lang nakakabitin din lalo na kapag nauna kang bumaba sa kanila. Meron tuloy mga lalaking ‘nag-iinit’ at biglang bibitaw ang kamay sa pagkakahawak sa bakal para kunwari mapapasubsob sa katabi nila o kaya naman bigla mong mararamdaman na yung siko nila nasa tagiliran mo na. Sarap sampalin ng mga ganung lalaki. Di naman sa nakikialam ako, pero wala namang inggitan…

Hay naku, ilan lang yan sa mga nararanasan ko kapag umuuwi ako. Dami pa kong kwento kaya lang uwian na eh.

Magbi-byahe pa ako.

Sasakay na ako ng jeep.

Uuwi ulit akong mag-isa.

***Addendum:

Case # 8:

"Estudyante blues..."

Maraming estudyante na nagbabasa ng libro sa loob ng jeep habang nasa biyahe. Yung iba sa sobrang ganda ng binabasa ay nadadala sa kwento...'Yung nakasakay ko minsan na dalagita ay taimtim na nagbabasa ng "Noli MeTangere". Hindi nya napansin na malapit na syang pumara at sa gulat na bababa na pala siya ay mahinhing sinabi sa driver "Paalam". Naku, tawa kaming tawa sa kanya, pati nga sya ay natawa rin sa sinabi nya.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

***I went to the Personnel Department a while ago to get a discount letter for my airfare. Grabe ang gwapo ng mamang arabong in-charge dun sa travel section nabakla ako! as in! Sobrang papa! nyahaha! =)

Comfortable

***Listening to this song for the first time made me so teary-eyed. It actually struck a nerve...don't know why...maybe because I can relate @ some point. Brought back some good old memories. I vividly saw it again...but that's just it...memories...the thing of the past.

The 'I want you back ' part scratch that! Ayoko na noh! Tanggal na ang platinum helmet ko sori =)


COMFORTABLE
By John Mayer

I just remembered that time at the market
Snuck up behind me and jumped on my shopping cart
And rolled down aisle five
You looked behind you to smile back at me
Crashed into a rack full of magazines
They asked us if we could leave

I can’t remember what went wrong last september
Though I’m sure you’d remind me if you had to

Our love was comfortable and so broken in

I sleep with this new girl I’m still getting used to
My friends all approve,
Say she’s gonna be good for you
They throw me high fives
She says the Bible is all that she reads
And prefers that I not use profanity
Your mouth was so dirty

Life of the party and she swears that she’s artsy
But you could distinguish miles from coltrane

Our love was comfortable and so broken in
She’s perfect
So flawless
Or so they say

She thinks I can’t see the smile that she’s faking
And poses for pictures that aren’t being taken
I loved you
Grey sweatpants
No makeup
So perfect

Our love was comfortable and so broken in
She’s perfect
So flawless
I’m not impressed
I want you back

Are U My Genie in a Bottle? =)

Nine more days and Im a year older again! Wow malapit lapit na kong mawala sa kalendaryo goodness! Hmmm...thinking about it now, ano nga bang gusto ko for my beerday?! I'll share with you my wish list baka sakaling may genie in a bottle na sumulpot regaluhan ako! Wish! =) Here goes...

1. A new nike rubber shoes (masyado kasing mahal yung Puma na gusto ko e kaya nike nalang!)
2. Comfy shirts with nice prints
3. A white nike cap
4. Watch by fossil, swatch or nike
5. White gold cartier type bracelet
6. PDA (wish granted na 'to courtesy of tita! yipeee! i have a new toy! =))
7. Ipod or any mp3 player for fordy
8. Birkenstock slipper (nasira na slipper ko e...sad)
9. An out of the ordinary color housing for my 7610 (purple kaya meron?)
10. A bottle of ECO by Davidoff &/or Thierry Mugler perfume for men
11. Peace of mind & heart
12. Good health for me and all my love ones
13. Strong friendships
14. Financial success (wish ko lang makaipon na ko!)
15. Happiness! Happiness! Happiness!
16. A good and meaningful life
17. To get through every problem that will come my way & still come out victorious
18. Love!
19. Love!
20. And lots of LOVE!

Ampootah! =) in short gusto ko ng nyowa! haha! nabibili ba yan?! Naghahanap na naman ako ng batong ipupukpok sa ulo ko! hehe! Tigas talaga ng ulo...wala tyong magagawa aries e! :)

Just the same, there is so much to be thankful for...and I have all the love to give...yung pagbibigyan ko nalang ang wala pa...baka andyan lang sya sa tabi2 di pa lang nagpaparamdam...dating ka na tagal mo naman kaong na e! joke! =)

Sunrise

It's a beautiful day after all. I still have so many reasons to smile =) Taken @ the corniche in the wee hours of the morning. This place has always been my refuge. It doesnt fail to soothe my wounded soul. Anyways, have a nice day people! Maganda pa rin ang mundo sa paningin ko...kasing ganda ko! hehe! =)

Have you even been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...

You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "maybe we should just be friends" or "how very perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

in Sandman: The Kindly Ones by Neil Gaiman


***yeah I fucking hate it right now! Tsk...tsk...Wala akong masabi. Am too dumbfounded to say anything. And I guess it would be better for me just to keep silent. Im okay. Im okay. Im okay. Believe me I am. What's new anyway?!

Pasigaw lang ng isang beses P-A-K-S-Y-E-TTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!

Now I feel better!

Pit Stop

Perhaps sometime in the future...

or in another lifetime...

Only time will tell...

Heart And Mind

***I just couldn't help to post this. This was emailed to me from way back. A good read and I know that you people can relate somehow.

Dear Heart,

I couldn't understand you anymore. You have been awfully quiet for some time now and you have been shutting me off. I can feel you too and it is hard for me to understand that you want to go through it alone. We used to be in the same boat struggling over the same things but you moved and took a different route. I have always been at your side, but this time I opt to differ. I can see your pain and I can feel it too, not because you are the heart which makes the only one capable of feeling. I am not hard as you sometimes believe I am. I just have to be like this for both of us, otherwise we would both drown and none can save us anymore. Heart, why do you keep on beating for the wrong person all the time? Aren't you tired of watching them leave you? Aren't you tired of giving your best and not get anything in return? If you're not, then I am...I am tired of giving you exuses so you wouldn't break. I am tired of saying yes when in fact it is no. I am tired of convincing you when you very well know that I am just lying to make you happy. I am tired of you...for all your broken dreams, your failed relationships and for all your unrequited love. You have so much to give to the person who can never be yours HEART, weren't you the one who said that you are sore and wounded? So why are you staying when you can just walk away from all these pain that is consuming you? How can you take it HEART? How can you look at her eyes and not see you in her heart? How can you smile when you feel her caress and know that those touches were meant for someone else? How can you be strong when you're feeling weak and helpless? How can you possibly love someone who is in love with another? She was never yours to begin with so it would be impossible to have her forever. FOREVER is just a word Heart. There is no such thing as forever...goodbye is inevitable. I have seen you so excited when she came to our lives. I was just as excited as you were. I wanted the girl we can both fall in love with. But she is a dream and dreams end. Tell me, wasn't it good to have a dream everytime you feel like doing so? But like dreams, you have to wake up and face the day. It was enough that she made you feel loved. Just face the reality that someone owns her heart...pushing for it will only take another person's heart bleed. I have seen you loved, lost and grieved but never healed. Why Heart? What are you so afraid of? It's time to let go. I know it would be hard. I have never seen you love this way before...so unconditional. Of course you have always loved unconditionally, but your love for her is different because you wouldn't listen to me. You used your words against me and that makes me feel helpless. I am just as hurt as you are because I can't make the pain go away. I cant help you and heal for you...you have to do it alone. You have kept your silence and it's deafening. I know you are trying to fool me so I would think you are okay and that I shouldn't worry... You want me to believe that you are not in pain. Remember HEART there is a thin line that connects us and it would be difficult to deceive one and the other of what is really going on ....NOT that is love...

Always,
Your friend Reason

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~

My Friend Reason,

Thank you for putting up with me while I go through my journey. It is like battling a demon. The battle is within me and something I feel I could not fight. You were right, I have never felt this way before. You know why I said that? It is because I allowed myself to manipulate all the other systems that are within my power. I shut all the possibilities that one day when I look back this would be my biggest regret. I shut it because I know I would never regret. A love so true has no regrets even if you don't get what you work so hard for in the end. That is why I disregard the idea that one day I would have to watch her leave and know that deep within me she is never coming back. She is indeed a dream...a dream I never wish to end. I am holding on to that dream...that is why I wouldn't want to let go yet, but holding on for as long as I can doesn't mean holding on forever. I don't believe in forever either because you said there is no such thing, but she made me believe in a lot of things and one of them was we can stay this way for eternity. A moment with her is forever. Forever might be a word but it exists. It is a place where dreams come true...where hope did not go to oblivion...it is a place where kisses heals wounds...where embrace can take away fears...where touch can take away doubts. That is forever and I believe her becauseI felt it. We may not last another weeks, another months or even years but she took me to that place where dates are mere numbers. You count on to say that this is how long I have her...for a moment...and that is enough for me to last a lifetime. Hopefully. I can have her a little longer to lasts another lifetime. Looking back, you and I have been together in everything and I can never keep a secret from you. You are too wise to be fooled. They say wise people are poor in the matters of the heart. I wish to erase that cliche. It is not true that I choose to beat for wrong people. I just do. You should know better that my beating is involuntary. If I could be held within the palm of the hand, then it would be a lot easier not to give any explanation. But I can't be and this makes us human so I keep my feet on the ground by feeling and hurting. You dont have to make any excuses for me anymore or lie to me...because regardless of the tears and pains, I am happy. You asked me how can I take it....it is about loving without expecting to be loved back. I may say one thing but mean another...but when I say I love her...I really do. Love is not blind. It is only blinded by the people who hoped to have more when they already have everything...it is about taking everything including those you hope to take away. I dont have to see myself in her eyes just as long as she sees herself in mine. I dont have to frown when I know her smiles weren't mine just as long as I am smiling because of her and she knows it. I am weak and might be helpless but how many weak and helpless have felt what I am feeling? It is a bliss that no word can contain...to define is to limit the feeling so I just enjoy it. I have loved, lost and grieved and yes I havent healed because I don't want to heal. Healing is as good as forgetting and I wouldn't want to forget. I have moved on and dealt with life equally well despite my handicap. Before I end, I want to tell you something you still probably wouldn't understand but I know in time you would come to see it as I did...Love is not getting what you think you deserve....It is getting nothing and somehow getting everything. If you see it the way I did you wouldn't ask anymore and still be wise. Perhaps if we can see again through the same eyes we used to look at before...we can see through the same window. Maybe they would say we are the first to break the cliche.

Always,
Heart