In retrospect

Ex’s.

That was the topic of the day. From morning till night.

A friend asked a while back, ‘Ikaw jen di ka na ba galit kay <insert name of ex here>?’

It made me think.

A minute passed before I answered, ‘Noon oo pero hindi na ngayon.’

Every person who was hurt has every right to be angry. I, for one is not an exception.

The person whom I entrusted my life with is the very same person who shattered me into pieces. And it took me a while to pick up the pieces of my broken self.

I was scarred. Too scarred to even recognize my own self. It was ugly.

But those scars made me the person that I am today. Better and definitely stronger. My demons are still everywhere and they still show up time and again but I faced them head on.

In time, everything will come in full circle.

Girls will be girls. Boys will be boys. And ex will be ex.

Period.

Me talking

15 days.

Hala! Malapit na!

Madami pa akong dapat gawin pero ni isa wala pa kong nauumpisahan, except for my clearance. I already submitted my passport to immigration. Two days before my flight ko pa daw makukuha. No problemo.

Sa friday me gimik ang tropa. We're off to sealine. Makikijam sa sand dunes ng Qatar. Kelangan matuloy coz it's gonna be the first and the last time na makakapunta ko dun. Sa tinagal tagal ko dito, di pa ko nakakapunta dun. Better late than never.

Nakakatamad ng gumising sa umaga para pumasok. At anong oras na ngayon gising pa rin ako.

Ramadan na naman next week. And to all my muslim brothers & sisters, Ramadan Kareem sa inyo. After ramadan Eid na. Bakasyon grande na naman sila. Di na ko kasali nun kasi wala na ko dito by that time! Hehe!

Takot magutom si adik. Sabi ko sa kanya wag syang mag-alala dahil di ko naman sya gugutumin. Aba magwewelga ang mga anaconda namin pag nangyari yun! Hindi pwede! Paminsan minsan pede siguro ako tumambay sa Makati Ave. para me ipangdate! Mga 2 o 3 customer pede na! Joke! =)

Naranasan ko ng magkaron. Naranasan ko na rin ang mawalan. Ng pera. Kahit anong gawin mo bilog talaga ang mundo. Kahit na meron ka, me time na mawawalan ka or masho-short ka. Parang kapag me saya, meron ding lungkot. Minsan me pera, minsan naman wala. Ganun lang kasimple yun. Yin Yang. No big deal. Ang importante sa mga ganyang pagkakataon, matuto kang makuntento. Sabi nga ng nanay ko, 'wag mong hanapin ang wala. magpasalamat ka sa kung anong meron.' Yes ma.

Si adik ang manager at accountant ng milyong milyon naming anda! Ahaha! Sabi nya akala daw nya aabutin ng milyon ang maiuuwi ko! Mas malakas na AHAHAHA! Pucha kahit na ugatin ako dito at mag-expire na ang matres ko di aabot ng milyones yun noh! Wish ko lang!

Kung pwede lang magdonate ng matres, ginawa ko na! Uy ganda lahi namin ha. Pango nga lang. Ay, ako lang pala.

Pero takot talagang magutom si adik! Swear di kita gugutumin. Takot ko lang sa tatay at nanay mo. Baka di lang hambalos ang abutin ko! Hehe!

1:30 na ng madaling araw. 6:30 ng umaga sa pinas. Ako na dapat tulog na e gising pa. Si adik na dapat gising na e tulog pa. Baliktad ha. Pahirapan na naman gumising neto mamya.

Hay gusto ko ng twister fries ng McDo!

Kung Ibig Mo Akong Makilala

Kung ibig mo akong makilala,
lampasan mo ang guhit ng mahugis na balat,
ang titig kong dagat--
yumayapos ng mahigpit sa bawat saglit
ng kahapon ko't bukas.

Kung ibig mo akong makilala
sunduin mo ako sa himlayang dilim
at sa madlang pagsukol ng inunang hilahil,
ibangon ako at saka palayain.

Isang pag-ibig na lipos ng lingap,
tahanang malaya sa pangamba at sumbat
may suhay ng tuwa't ang kaluwalhatia'y
walang takda --
ialay mo lahat ito sa akin
kung mahal mo ako't ibig kilalanin.

Kung ibig mo akong kilalanin,
sisirin mo ako hanggang buto,
liparin mo ako hanggang utak,
umilanlang ka hanggang kaluluwa --
hubad ako roon: mula ulo hanggang paa.

---ni Ruth Elynia S. Mabanglo

Huwag Kang Mangako ng Kailanpaman

Huwag kang mangako ng kailanpaman
At baka 'di ko mapapantayan
Huwag kang mangako ng habangbuhay
At baka di mo ako mahintay

Huwag kang mangusap ng kailanpaman
Kahit magdusa't daigdig ma'y pasan
Di kailangang matinik na landas
Upang patunayang pagsuyo'y wagas

Sana nga bukas tulad ngayon
Ang ating pagsasama
Sana paglipas ng panahon
Di ka magiiba

Ngunit

Wag mong sabihin ang kailanman pa man
Tama na sa 'king ibigin minsan
Wag mong sabihin gano katagal
Tama nang gano mo ko kamahal

Sana nga bukas tulad ngayon
Ang ating pagsasama
Sana paglipas ng panahon
Di ka magiiba

Ngunit

Huwag kang mangako ng kailanpaman
At baka di ko matutumbasan
At kung ang ating landas magsanga
Malayang damdamin ang magpapasya

---gary granada

Magulo

sa Accident & Emergency ng ospital...
dito sa villa...
dun sa lansangan...
ang mga sasakyang nag-uunahan...
sa abangan ng taxi...
sa mall lalo na kapag byernes at sabado...
sa police station kanina...

PERO

pinakamagulo ang takbo ng utak ko...

Crossroads

Eto ata ang tawag dun.

Yung tipong di mo alam kung san ka pupunta. Pakanan ba o pakaliwa. Paatras o paabante. Minsan mapapatunganga ka lang sa kakaisip kung anong dapat gawin. Hihinto sandali para timbangin ang mga bagay-bagay. Hindi mo kasi hawak ang kapalaran.

Nakakatakot. Nakakapraning.

Pero sa sarili mo, alam mong di dapat maging hadlang ang takot para matupad ang pangarap. Ilusyon lang yun.

Sabi nga ng isang kaibigan ko sa profile nya sa friendster, “If you want to achieve your dream in life, you have to be aggressive, and find fuel in any failure. You should not think of anything except what you’re trying to accomplish.”

Swak.

Kaya jen, F...O...C...U...S!

Lately I've been winning battles left and right

But even winners can get wounded in the fight

People say that I'm amazing,

I am strong beyond my years

But they don't see inside of me,

I'm hiding all the tears

They don't know that I come running home when I fall down

They don't know who picks me up when no one is around

I drop my sword and cry for just a while

Coz deep inside this armor

The warrior is a child.

Pilgrim's Theme

Tired of weaving dreams too loose for me to wear
Tired of watching clouds repeat their dance on air
Tired of getting tired of doing what's required
Is life a mere routine in the greater scheme of things

Through with taking roads someone else designed
Through with chasing stars that soon forget to shine
Through with going through one more day - what's new
Does my life still mean a thing in the greater scheme of things

I think I'll follow the voice that calls within
Dance to the silent song it sings
I hope to find my place
So my life can fall in place
I know in time I'll find my place
In the greater scheme of things

Each must go his way, but how can I decide
Which path I should take, who will be my guide
I need some kind of star to lead me somewhere far
To find a higher dream in the greater scheme of things

The road before me bends, I don't know what I'll find
Will I meet a friend or ghosts I left behind
Should I even be surprised that You're with me in disguise
For it's Your hand I have seen in the greater scheme of things

Grateful

I've been listening to christmas songs I've just downloaded from the net. How time really flies. It's the start of 'Ber' months again. And thinking about it makes me excited! What excites me more is the thought that after 4 years of being away from home during the holidays, I'll be celebrating christmas and new year again at home, with an added bonus that adik & I will celebrate it together.

Nice!

Nah.

It's fantastic!

Now I can really say that I'll be home for christmas.

Christmas last year was a drag. I guess the christmas spirit didn't get into me. I was really down in the dumps and I was too busy consoling myself and getting angry at the world. And it was due to some circumstances that I have no control of.

I became Ms. Scrooge. And I hated every second of it.

But after a while I realized that things really did happen for a reason. It will just take some time for you to understand and learn all about it. But you'll get through no matter what.

I know that this christmas will be better than last year or the year before.

I'll be home.

I have adik.

What more can I ask for?! (actually meron pa...lots and lots of prayers! amen! hehe!)

30..29..28..

It's official.

I submitted my resignation letter a week ago, and now Im counting the days. Im doing all the things I need to accomplish before I go. I dont wanna go leaving behind things not in order. I already said goodbye to fordy so for the rest of the month I'll be going to work by means of a transport. I settled some of the bills that I need to settle, the rest I'll settle few days before I leave. I still have more or less 3 weeks to pack my things. Im used to that, I can do it in a flash.

2 boxes. 1 luggage. And a carry on. That will suffice. But I probably need to air freight some of my things ahead of me.

And that's packing 4 years of my life here.

Wow.

So I guess this is it.

Cant wait to go home and start my life anew.

And pray hard that things will go as planned. God willing.

30 days and counting.

Huwag Ka Sanang Magagalit

Huwag ka sanang magagalit
kung sasabihin ko
na hanap-hanap ka
ng aking mga tula.

Huwag ka sanang maiilang
kung tuwing umuulan
isip-isip ko ang init
ng ating katawan.

Ngayon, butas lamang
sa langit ang lahat ng bituin,
Ngayon, sukatan lamang ang buwan
ng layo mo sa akin.

Anumang kuwento
ang simulan ko’y
sa iyo rin nauuwi.
Sa bawat aklat
na aking buklatin
naroroon ang iyong tingin.

Alam ko:
may sarili kang tanong
na dapat sagutin;
may sarili kang misteryo
na dapat harapin.
Huwag magmadali: panahon ngayon
ng liwanag at sari-saring dilim;
Oras ng sugat at lamig
at ng paurong-sulong na pagpapaumanhin.

Ngunit "ELLYN", mahal,
pinakamatalik kong kaibigan,
huwag ka sanang magagalit
huwag ka sanang maiilang
kung aking sasabihin

na tuwing humihinga ako
naaamoy kita,
na tuwing pumipikit ako,
ikaw ang nagiging umaga

~Ramon C. Sunico~


.....
....
...
..
.
Isang buwan nalang magkakasama na ulit tayo
Hindi na ko makahintay
Dahil alam kong eto na ang umpisa
ng matagal na nating inaantay
Para sayo gagawin ko ang lahat
Pipiliting tuparin lahat ng pangarap
Basta alam kong andyan ka lang lagi sa tabi ko
Naniniwala...
Umaagapay...
at laging nagmamahal...

Happy 15th monthsary baby!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!