Expect Nothing

Expect nothing.
Live frugally
On surprise.
Become a stranger
To need of pity
Or, if compassion be freely
Given out
Take only enough
Stop short of urge to plead
Then purge away the need.

Wish for nothing larger
Than your own small heart
Or greater than a star;
Tame wild disappointment
With caress unmoved and cold
Make of it a parka
For your soul.

Discover the reason why
So tiny human midget
Exists at all
So scared unwise
But expect nothing.
Live frugally
On surprise.

--- Alice Walker

Imperfect

I've fallen in love once, twice, too many times. I've been in a serious relationship, a not so serious one, flings and a fleeting like kind. I've been hurt, bruised and trampled on. Sometimes I am a willing victim but most of the time, a not so willing victim...but still trampled on. I've learned some trades of the game, but most, Im still in the process of learning. It was different every time. You deal with a different person on every encounter. One is totally different from the other. You just have to have the gift of discernment to know what is applicable to whom you're with at the moment. In every relationship, you start from scratch. You get to know the person and go from there. And if ever the relationship didn't work out, you still end up with nothing and go back to scratch. I guess that's just the way it is.

In the middle of all the fuzz, when emotions of excitement begins to settle down, reality will start to sink in. Questions will start to pour like a black cloud hanging from your head that won't leave you alone. You begin to see the true nature of what you're into. Love now becomes a decision. It's a decision that entails lots of maturity, courage, hope and trust. If it's worth your time and energy, you might just give it a shot, but if you think that it's doomed from the start then better spare yourself of the pain you'll inflict to yourself and to the person you're with.

In those encounters that I've had, I've learned different things but it still doesn't make me a perfect partner. No one is perfect anyway. The fears that I have before is still the same fears that I have today, and sometimes those fears haunt me in the most unusual manner and in the most unusual way. It's the same demon I've been fighting with eversince. Those fears sometimes crippled me and leave me helpless with no one to rely on but myself. Those fears sometimes leave me defeated without knowing that I've been pushing away the person who matters to me the most. But if you know me well enough inside and out, you will understand my weakness and you wont take it against me because you know that that weakness is part of my imperfection, and that there is way, way more beyond the imperfection that you see, and beneath that imperfection lies a soul with the purest intentions of just loving and just wanted to be loved faithfully...


After he left, I cried for a week. And then I realized I do have faith: faith in myself, faith that I would one day meet someone who would be sure that I was the ONE.
--Carrie, Sex & The City

'qwErtyuiop'

yan ang unang hilera ng mga letra sa keyboard
araw-araw kong nakikita, ordinaryo na sa paningin
pero ngayon ko lang napagtanto na sa kanilang sampu
sa isa lang ako napatuon, napatitig at napatulala
na sa pagitan ng letrang 'W' at 'R' andun sya
akalain mo bang sa dami ng screen na nakabukas sa monitor ko
keyboard pa ang mapagdidiskitahan ko?!
kakaiba...
papanong ang iisang letra na matagal ng andyan ay biglang nagkaron ng halaga?
siguro dahil habang tinitignan ko sya
naaalala KITA...


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Hamishu adik!
Be good ha?!
MAHAL KITA...

The Lovers

These three things are to be taken note of: the lowest love is sex - it is physical - and the highest refinement of love is compassion. Sex is below love, compassion is above love; love is exactly in the middle.

Very few people know what love is. Ninety-nine percent of people, unfortunately, think sexuality is love - it is not. Sexuality is very animal; it certainly has the potential of growing into love, but it is not actual love, only a potential....

If you become aware and alert, meditative, then sex can be transformed into love. And if your meditativeness becomes total, absolute, love can be transformed into compassion. Sex is the seed, love is the flower, compassion is the fragrance.

Buddha has defined compassion as love plus meditation. When your love is not just a desire for the other, when your love is not only a need, when your love is a sharing, when your love is not that of a beggar but an emperor, when your love is not asking for something in return but is ready only to give - to give for the sheer joy of giving - then add meditation to it and the pure fragrance is released. That is compassion; compassion is the highest phenomenon.

Commentary:

What we call love is really a whole spectrum of relating, reaching from the earth to the sky. At the most earthy level, love is sexual attraction. Many of us remain stuck there, because our conditioning has burdened our sexuality with all kinds of expectations and repressions. Actually the biggest "problem" with sexual love is that it never lasts. Only if we accept this fact can we then really celebrate it for what it is - welcome its happening, and say good-bye with gratitude when it's not.

Then, as we mature, we can begin to experience the love that exists beyond sexuality and honors the unique individuality of the other. We begin to understand that our partner often functions as a mirror, reflecting unseen aspects of our deeper self and supporting us to become whole.

This love is based in freedom, not expectation or need. Its wings take us higher and higher towards the universal love that experiences all as one.


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I browsed through Osho, zen tarot for relationship and look what i got for an INSIGHT. Hehe! galing! Swak! Lovers talaga ang lumabas na card e...tama ba naman yun?! OO tama! korak!

I LOVE YOU ADIK!

Hihiramin ko muna yung isang dialogue sa 'The cutting edge' movie...

“Don’t say we aren't right for each other, the way I see it… We aren't right for anyone else.”

Yes baby, READ (pointing upwards)...

Wala lang...

I LOVE YOU

...

...

...

...

...

FOR ALWAYS

Hope Floats

Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad, but it's what's in the middle that counts. So, when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance to float up. And it will...

may mga bagay sa mundo na talagang minsan hindi nila maiintindihan
na kahit anong pagpapaintindi ang gawin natin mababalewala
dahil hirap silang tanggapin

...katulad ng kung anong meron TAYO ngayon...

pero kahit ganun pa man,
kahit ano pa ang sabihin,
kahit ano pa ang marinig,
tayo nalang dapat ang umintindi
dahil sa ganitong sitwasyon
dapat maging mas malawak ang pagiisip natin kesa sa kanila
tyo ang dapat mas umunawa

AT KAHIT...

tumutol man ang buong mundo sa 'tin
iisa lang ang alam kong gawin...

...ANG IPAGLABAN KA DAHIL MAHAL KITA...



--------------
i guess 'our' families will never understand
sadly, we will always be in a battle
that's the drawback of this kind of relationship
but as long as i know that WE are worth fighting for
i am ready...
the important thing is we love each other
our love should transcend everything else & endure everything else
life is too short to just merely exist
sometimes you just have to fight to experience living...

chus ang drama!
bahala na si batman!

For My Ted Hannah! =)

para kang kape, di ka nagpapatulog

parang kagabi, gising ako hanggang tanghali

di ko nga man lang alam kung sino ka talaga

kailan kaya kita makikilala

at pano kung nasulat na sa notebook ng tadhana

ang kwento ng pagibig tungkol sa ating dalawa

di kaya sayang naman kung hindi natin susundin

ang nais na mangyari ng tadhana para sa 'tin

para 'kong tanga, di ko man lang naisip

na ang pangarap ay maninitiling panaginip

kung wala akong gawin upang makamtan ka

paano ka tatama kung di ka tataya

at pano kung may contest na sinet-up ang tadhana

at ang unang pa-premyo ay ang makasama ka

di kaya sayang naman kung di ko man lang susubukan

manalo sa pa-raffle ng tadhana tan tan tan tan

hahayaan bang mapunta ka na lamang sa iba

nakwento ko na yata yan sa ibang kanta

at pano kung hindi ako naakit ng tadhana

e di sana ay hindi ako ang iyong sinisinta

di kaya sayang naman kung di ko man lang susulitin

ang alay na babae ng tadhana para sa kin

-----------
I LOVE YOU my adik...
i guess the heavenly bodies above conspired for us to be together...
serendipity...
nicest thing that ever happened!
So glad you're MINE =)

Babies, Boylets & Bodies!

Boy ang magiging baby ni Antit and pareng Karling! Whooohooo congrats!
Pero teka...ano ba meron sa Qatar at puro baby boy nalang ang lumalabas?!
Ilan na ba sila...Hmmm...marami-rami na!
Ang titinik ng mga semilya dito pramis! Buo agad walang sablay! Pag labas boy pa!
Kudos sa mga kaibigan kong tatay na at magiging tatay pa lang!

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May bago daw boylet si kuting at chuvecs!
Sabi na nga ba mali si nora..."MAY HIMALA!"
Bwahaha!
Dahil sa pagiging NPA (No permanent address) ko sa trabaho ayan nahuhuli na 'ko sa balita!

KUTING: Haba ng hair mong babaita ka! Siguraduhin mo lang na mas gwapo sa kin yun ha! Kapmuks! Hehe!
CHUVECS: Baka yan na ang hinihintay mo! Ayan, di ka na magrereklamo na lagi nalang 'friend' ang date mo...ngayon baka 'boypren' na! Gudlak bakla!

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Nung papunta ako sa parking kanina para bumili ng food, nakasalubong ko yung isa kong ka-building na nurse. Kabatian ko sya, kumare pa sa isa ring baby boy na inaanak namin pareho...pero nakalimutan ko name nya! Bad! My alzheimer's strikes again! Kababalik lang nya galing bakasyon. Kwentuhan ng konti tapos sabi nya ang taba na daw nya. Halata naman. Bumilog kasi. Tagal din naming di nagkita. Months na siguro ang binilang. Tapos, bigla nyang sinabi sa kin...'Ang payat mo pa rin, sexy ka na talaga!' Sagot ko naman...'Ganun talaga, naging sawi e!' Biglang hirit nya bago magsara yung elevator paakyat sa flat nya... 'Hanggang ngayon ba naman sawi ka pa rin?!' Natawa ako, pahabol ko...'Di na, masaya na ulit ako pramis!' =)

Time

Past. Present. Future.

Magkakaiba yan. Wag na wag mong pagsama-samahin dahil siguradong riot! Ang past nakaraan na, tpos na kaya wag na nating balikan. Nangyari na yun. History. Time immemorial. Past events, past happenings, past heartaches, past pains, past lovers...Kaya nga sila tinawag na EX kasi tapos na! Wala na silang papel sa buhay mo...Tapos na ang papel nila sa buhay mo.

Ang present yung ngayon. Current time. Now. This moment. Cherish it kasi before you know it, yung ngayon baka bukas magiging parte na ng kahapon.

Ang future dadating pa lang.What does the future hold? Who knows...Wala namang nkakaalam nun e. Even I dont know what will my future be. Mahirap isipin, mabigat dalhin, kaya bakit kailangan nating pahirapan ang mga sarili natin kung anong mangyayari bukas? Ang importante yung ngayon...yung present, PERO hndi ibig sabihin nun na hindi ka na magpla-plano para bukas...

...Hindi ibig sabihin nun na hindi KA kasama sa mga plano KO para bukas...Dahil kapag parte na ng buhay mo ang isang tao lalo na kung MAHAL NA MAHAL mo, wala ng kwenta ang nkaraan...Ipagpapasalamat mo ang ngayon...at SYA LANG ang gusto mong makasama pagadating ng bukas...

When The Night Is Long...

when the night is long
i stay awake in my bed
just lying and thinking of you.

when the night is long
i pray for sleep to visit me
so i can see you in my dreams.

when the night is long
i yearn to have you near me
to have and to hold.

when the night is long
i wish you can look in my eyes
for you to see
that when the night is long
i am missing you so terribly...

Happy 1rst!

For the LOVE

...the care...

...the patience...

...the understanding...

...the happiness...

From my place to yours,

Amidst the oceans between us

But still under the same sky

I LOVE YOU...

with all my heart!

One month baby!

Counting & looking forward to so much more!

Kapag Sinabi Ko Sayo

Kapag sinabi ko sa iyo na ika'y minamahal
Sana'y maunawaan mo na ako'y isang mortal
Na di ko kayang abutin ang mga bituin at buwan
O di kaya ay sisirin perlas ng karagatan

Kapag sinabi ko sa iyo na ika'y iniibig
Sana'y maunawaan mo na ako'y taga-daigdig
Kagaya ng karamihan, karaniwang karanasan
Daladala kahit saan, pang-araw-araw na pasan

Ako'y hindi romantiko, sa iyo'y di ko matitiyak
Na pag ako'y kapiling mo kailanma'y di ka iiyak
Ang magandang hinaharap sikapin nating maabot
Ngunit kung di pa maganap, sana'y huwag mong ikalungkot

Kapag sinabi ko sa iyo na ika'y sinisinta
Sana'y ibigin mo akong mulat ang iyong mga mata
Ang kayamanan kong dala ay pandama't kamalayan
Na natutunan sa iba na nabighani sa bayan

Halina't ating pandayin isang malayang daigdig
Upang doon payabungin isang malayang pag-ibig
Kapag sinabi ko sa iyo na ika'y sinusuyo
Sana'y yakapin mo ako, kasama ang aking mundo


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para sa'yo...
mahal kita...
ngayon at sa mga susunod pang panahon...

Clash!

only child ka, brat ako...
madali akong mapikon, mahilig kang mangpikon...
sensitive ka, insensitive ako...
worrier ka, wala akong pakialam sa mundo...
idealistic ka, realistic ako...
prinoproblema mo ang future, present ang iniisip ko...
demanding ka, ako hindi...
sobrang selosa ka, medyo-medyo lang ako...
pasaway ka, pasaway rin ako...
tigas ulo ka, tigas ulo rin ako...
makulit ka, makulit rin ako...
adik ka, mas adik ako...

madaming salungat, madaming magkapareho
pero isa lang ang tiyak at sigurado
yun e ang MAHAL KITA AT MAHAL MO KO
at kahit na magclash pa tyo
pag tapos na ang araw
alam mo at alam ko
na sa isa't isa pa rin tyo babalik
dahil MAHAL KITA AT MAHAL MO KO...